Thursday, March 24, 2011

Not My Own

Over the past 7 weeks Chris and I have had the opportunity to meet with over 80 people and share our vision for ministry in Haiti. This has been a busy but very rewarding and encouraging time. We've gotten a lot of different types of questions, but the one that nearly everyone asks is, "what do the kids think about this?". The next several posts will be the children giving their thoughts on moving to Haiti. But today it's my thoughts. I'm sure many people wonder, and a few people have asked how we handle the fact that we will be taking children into an unstable environment.

I guess in part it is because we know Haiti. We know that danger does not lurk around every corner. We know people who know people who know which roads are safe and which are not. We know the threats as well as the misperceptions propagated by the media. But we also know that there are true instabilities in Haiti. Of most concern is the lack of trauma emergency care, the risk of malaria and dengue fever, and the possibility of my children witnessing violence. In general I think, especially as mothers, people wonder why I am at such peace with our decision to move our family to Haiti. And it all really boils down to my belief that my children are not my own - they belong to the Lord. He has entrusted them to my care, given me the privilege of the joy they bring, and given me the responsibility to raise them wisely. But ultimately they are not mine.

Several years ago I was single parenting Luke. I was an anxious new mother of a toddler struggling to emotionally handle all the responsibilities of a child. I felt very alone in making decisions for Luke and that was quite overwhelming. During this time I watched an episode of Oprah. The topic was teenage cellphone use while driving. The guest on the show was a mother who had lost her 3 year old daughter in a car accident due to an inattentive teen driver. The mother stayed very composed during the interview. However when she started sharing about how she was an extremely safe and cautious mother she broke down. Through tears she explained how she had never even driven in the rain with her daughter in the car. At that moment it struck me. I am charged with caring for my children but they simply aren't mine. No matter how extremely careful and safety conscience I am, the Lord has given them to me and the Lord can take them from me.

And so I have chosen trust and rest. I have chosen to lay my anxieties at the feet of my Lord. As we pursue our move to Haiti, I trust that the Lord has called our whole family to serve Him there. I trust that He will keep each member of my family in His care.

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